Having an ass time with my mental health.
Having a hard time just doing basic shit. And I am bored of my nonsense.
Writing normally helps. And I missed the whole of August.
I started a new sketchbook which is nice. I thought I would try to use it to write down some stuff I've been researching and thinking about for a while, more like a commonplace book than just art ideas and sketches.
Some of my thoughts are actually good and not just bitching and being dysfunctional. Not really for this blog though.
I drew some fan art too probably for the first time since high-school and it's such a different skillset to my other drawings so it was fun and I would like to continue.
I have all these sketches of people from earlier this year and last year and they are quick and fluid and I want to capture their posture and the way they take up space in public, but with fan art it's like there needs to be some character consistency. What is it that I liked about the characters and how is that portrayed by the original authors versus what I want to portray, what things I take from it what is it for me?
I guess my point is that there's very different things to consider that I probably wouldn't have considered otherwise. I wonder if I could use my poses/style but still depict the original characters in a recognisable way. Well yeah that's probably the point but I'm new to this.
I think I need to talk to an actual person soon but I can’t think of anybody I want to talk to. I am worried that I don't have anything to say, that I don't have anything interesting to share.
If I tell someone that I have spent two days trying to pick my washing up off the floor and that wearing clean clothes and showering regularly is a goal right now they will pity me they will feel sorry for me or even worse try to fix me.
And for real depressed people talking is such a drag. Complaining just makes it worse not better.
I've been reading lots of books. I should probably count how many. Mostly romance novels, I don't know how I got so fixated on this but it's fun. Escapist I suppose. As someone who has avoided romance in my own life like it's the actual plague, it's very foreign and amusing.
I've been practicing ukulele more too. Part of me feels like millennial white woman + ukulele is like a special brand of cursed. Like maybe there should be a tiny stringed instrument amnesty for 30 to 40 year olds, thinking Amanda palmer or the YouTube apology lady, it's sort of an ugly vibe.
My friend has recently started playing guitar tho and I just think it would be cool to jam someday when everything isn't as flying shitballs and I am ass at playing guitar too so maybe if I try to get better at ukulele then that would work out.
True to form I've been playing an arpeggio version of Mr Vain by Culture Beat and probably slaughtering everything good about it so thoughts and prayers for my neighbours I guess. I should learn some other 90s club songs and just make it a thing.
Recently watched: X2 (ya the 2003 xmen movie haha)
Stuck in my head: paint the town red by Doja Cat
Read: The house witch books by Delemhach
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