I had like 7 hours of sleep last night which is the most ever I've had in ages.
I got to about 3am and I was just agitated and bored, there was nothing I wanted to read, I couldn't find anything I wanted to listen to, absolutely didn't want to watch something with my eyes.
The agitation is just my anxiety, the stuff I'm trying to avoid feeling. That's less fun. I found a funny podcast to listen to so that I could sleep.
I think I like that feeling of boredom though, it's like my head finally being like enough of this shit. I normally lack that impulse, normally it's like nah fuck this reality more shit please.
I've had a week of kind-of not existing which is hard. It's like hours of time just speed past me and I really can't explain the inefficacy. I had like a weeks worth of clean washing piled up on the end of the bed and I just could not fold it and put it away to save my life. Like an overwhelming fugue or disassociation.
I feel a little bit better today and yesterday. Mount clean washing has been put away, I feel a little bit more alive and able to reply to my messages.
I've been working on fixing my old jeans and I finished one half which feels pretty good. It's good to do things with your hands, especially when there's something physically at the end that you have made. Just have the other side to finish.
In my head today: Dark Red by Steve Lacy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OzspEcQG8
Film: Spiderman: Across the Spider-verse
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9362722/
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